Let me break it down for you like a 5 year old what happened on this earnings call:

Volume go down.

Costs go down.

Prices go up.

Customers not go up.

But costs go down a little faster than we predicted, so we are crushing it. Why are we crushing it? We introduced a new named program called DRIVE. When Fortune 500 companies name an initiative it always succeeds! Like the famous Wile-E-Coyote, this will catapult us into the future!

Let us tell you about DRIVE:

* We are closing sort centers.

* We are closing other facilities.

* We have parked 9 planes so far and are parking 6 more.

* We are selling equipment and reducing vendor utilization.

* We have mothballed delivery vehicles.

This is what DRIVE is all about. Actually, our first thought was to call it PARK because all our vehicles are really parked -- it would be more accurate -- but our investor relations team advised against it.

It might upset the mood of our earnings call.

Here are a few other tidbits:

* FedEx Express, Ground, and Freight volumes all declined by 12% across all segments.

(Just for your comparison, UPS volume declined 3% in Q4 for their B2C shipments and 5% for freight).

* Ground increased its revenue per parcel by 11% and reduced costs.

* Express business is still declining, reduced flight hours by 8% so far to compensate. Adjusted operating income declined 81%. You know it's bad when the adjusted number is down 81%.

What FedEx did not speak about:

* What profitable customer segments they are targeting and growing.

* How they will gain volume share.

* New products, services or partnerships they are launching.

* How they will operate in this environment which could continue another 2 years.

This seems like a good place to stop.