Repackaging is the new innovation, and since Salesforce does not seem to be innovating, it can at least put new things in different packages and call it new.

"Salesforce Empowers Customers with New Integrated Ecommerce Storefronts in Starter and Pro Suite"

I'm intrigued! Tell me more. Starter and Pro, so small businesses right? Ok now I have the context. (Rick begins reading!)

* "Ecommerce storefronts enable rapidly growing businesses to quickly build direct-to-consumer (D2C) online stores".

So, small Salesforce CRM users need D2C stores? B2B I could imagine? But D2C? No man. Just no. (OK, well maybe we just got off on the wrong foot here.)

* "Key features include:"

(Leans in).

* "step-by-step ecommerce setup for fast onboarding"

A setup wizard FTW! (Go on.)

* " a low-code designer to build branded storefronts"

Who is writing this code? These small businesses? Again, no.

* "centralized merchandising tools to manage products and prices"

A product catalog! Hot damn.

* "pre-built performance dashboards to help streamline operations and increase revenue"

Dashboards that increase revenue. Scratches head. Causal relationship cloudy. But, wait there's more.

"Why it matters: Ecommerce continues to grow in importance."

Go on.

"... growing businesses will be able to grow their digital channel revenue with easy-to-build D2C websites managed directly from their CRM platform at no additional cost"

Free stores! Eh? For who? Here's where they tell us:

"Customer perspective: “When I set up the commerce features in Pro Suite, I was blown away. Not only were they simple to set up and use, the end result was also a better experience for my customers — they could simply click a link to go to a checkout page and pay in a matter of seconds with the payment method of their choice. Better yet, I cut my invoicing time from 50 minutes per invoice to only five minutes -- – Justin Fleming, Owner, Clicks N Code"

But, who is this magical Clicks N Code. That sounds like some D2C business! What D2C business sends invoices? Hey wait a minute! (Stay with me).

Drum roll..... 🥁

Clicks N Code is a freaking Salesforce consultant! Sending invoices to his agency clients I'm guessing?

D2C eCommerce at its finest! Try again, Salesforce.

At least if you have AI generate you a press release, maybe at least talk about small B2B service providers? And shift the messaging to perhaps talk about Bigcommerce and Hubspot, instead of what seems to be aimed at Shopify and Klaviyo?

Otherwise, a camel truly is a horse designed by committee.

If you can believe, it almost even gets worse from here. Headless APIs are included, because this small growing and apparently fake D2C business needs a headless API like they need a hole in their head, right?